Some women become extraordinarily good at caring for others and fairly clumsy at staying still. Receiving can bring guilt, nervous laughter, the urge to ask whether the other person is comfortable, the impulse to straighten a towel that does not need straightening.
That question, whether the other person is all right, is an old habit, not a virtue. A stretch of time without giving the gesture back does not make you selfish. It makes you someone who is finally on the side of the table she has hardly ever known.